Letting go .......

[Blossom112]

It is the hardest thing to do .......
I hve been consumed by Julie for more then 10 years ..... all the work and $ that went into having her has consumed my life for more then 15 years .
Visiting tyhe dr every day for almost 5 years , the injections , the money , the tears and sleepless nights .......
It is just too hard for me to let go ..... we still share thesamebed together , her and I are orshall I say were connected to the hip for so long ....
Never hada baby sitter , never go anywhere without her right by my side ......
I dont know how I can get over the anxiety

Yesterday , I met herafter school ... She insisted to meet her at the buildings instead of walking all the way to get her ( that is very hard )
and she saw a kid from HER classwalk to the building nd said omg you live here ... yep she said ... oh well that was it .... which floor Julie said .... to our shock she said 7 .... Julie squeeled with excitement .....
I was forced to let her go in the hall with her friend from class , ,, then 30 min later she was pullin out her bike to gooutside ............... without me :CRY: :CRY: :CRY:
I let her go ........ the3 of them stole off in girly excitement to be able to escape us parents .......
I sat on the balcony looking and watching the whole time , thesun beating so hot I bet you I got a few more age spots on my face....... my stomach aching , my heart beating like crazy from anxiety ....... hubby came home and wasnt upset with me for letting her go .
I called her 1 hour later and the first thing she said was ohhhh please I dont want to come homeI am having so much fun ...... and I was only calling to ee everything was fine .................................................

She did not want to be walked to school this morning , she stole off at 815 to get her class mate down the hall and off they went into the big bad world , 2 little girls without a care , skipping happily across the field .........

Guess its over now for us ......... but dont think I can move on like this , it just makesme want to cry ...... I cant seem to let go , next thingshe will want is to move out , and sorry that is NOT EVER ALOUD ! ........ Makes me to not want to encourage her , and just keep us 2 her all consuming life , that way she will never leave us .... my goal is at 16 she can stay at home with me and daddy will take care of both of us for the rest of our lives .... because we live and breath for her and worship every breath she takes , and want to protect her from everything that can go wrong .
hubby is noW standing at the balcony door , looking and listening .... where is she , oh a knock at the door ... pppphew she made it home safe ...... dropped herbag and out the door again ?????/ hubby just looking , loooking , loooking lost , I cant believe shejust did that without chattering to us about her whole day ...........:CRY: :CRY: :CRY:
less then 1 minute ... she isgone again .......
YES I am selfish ...... but she is MINE ...... we paid everything wehad for her .... 250 k to have her , and we though we failed again when the dr said congrats yourpregnat ...................when I gave birth to her we couldnt even afford to by her clothes to put on her tiny body , and didnt have a crib to sleep in ...MORGAGE , 2 CAR PAYMENTS is all we could do .... we had a roof over our heads , heat in our house and only enough gas in the car for Daddy to get to work ...... our oldest daughter got a job to put food in the fridge .............
But we were all so very happy , laughing , playing , joking ....... just very happy to have such a beautiful baby , daughter and little sister ......................................

I want that space and time back , the happiest time of our lives ...... without care in the world , because we had our dream come true ........ and the best sisters anyone could ask for considering they are 20 years apart it only seemslike they are only a few years apart .

I miss my babies .......... and cant let go .....

ok yep ..... I KNOW I need help , if I dont get help Iwill surely stick to my plan when she turns 16 .........
IT JUSTSUCKS BIG TIME ..............................DR dydik here I COME LOLOLOLOLOL


BUT NO MATTER WHAT SHE CAN NOT MOVE OUT ! THAT i WILL NOT STAND FOR !

We are both sad now , she is out with friends without us , having fun , laughting without us ...... oh the great moments we are missing :CRY: :CRY: :CRY:

[Wingin' It]

awwww...I know how hard it is to let them grow up. We love 'em to bits and watch them grow, to have families and lives of their own.

One day your girls will come back to you (far off in the future!) with little ones of their own...Your reward for raising wonderful children...Grandchildren!

[Ursus sapien]

I'm so proud of you! The hallmark of a good parent (well, one of them) is doing what's best for your child even when it breaks your heart or tests your limits.

And you're not alone, Blossom, my friend. Many parents experience the fear and sadness you describe. But, you're helping your daughter be a whole person, who can be in the world and be successful and happy in whatever choices she makes

You may find some encouragement and good advice at Free Range Kids (http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/)

[Kimr]

It is so hard to let go, but as a parent so necessary for their growth as people. You have showed and taught them everything you know, to be safe, to make their own decisions right or wrong and to be kind.

Sounds like you have done a great job with her already, she will grow into a beautiful, mature young lady, with strength behind her, someone you can be so proud of, and someone who will thank you for all you done - including - letting go.

[Blossom112]

thanks for the kind words .

hubby was so lost yesterday and shocked when she stole off in theam to walk with her mate that he stayed home ... then after school he watched lost looking from the balcony , then hesat in his chair (usually playing PS3 ) just sitting therewatching and waiting and she didnt acknowledge him but kissed me a ran out the door in less then 60 seconds .
we then laughted , because we knew the only reason she kissed me was so I wouldnt stop her from stealingoff again .
funny .
we were up this am when she left with her class mate ..........

we talked last night while laying in bed and she admitted she missed us :-) but this is the first time both girls have everbeen without a parent there .
friday evening , hubby and I will steal off to the mall without her , for the very first time in what feels like a lifetime .... to get her , a cell phone so we can keep tabs on her ... normally I dont get the phone till 16 , but she is not out with a brother or sister so we have no choice ....shesh and its my birthday and she gets makeup and a cell phone lol
too funny ......
ahh , I just remembered ... hubby can a free blackberry shoot the red tape will take weeks ... lol my excuse to keep her in lolol

[Kimr]

So how was friday nite??? And your birthday? Happy Birthday by the way. Did she enjoy her new phone?

We were kinda the same with our kids, they didn't get a cell phone until they were working, cuz we were not going to pay with it. We stuck it out for all 3 kids. We wanted them to know that if they want things that are important to them, they need to a) save their money b) have a way to pay for it - b/c in REAL life thats what happens.

[Blossom112]

I totaly agree with cell phone part !
We are going to get the free phone blackberry and it will only cost us 9 bucks a month through hubbys work saves us from paying way extra and they just deduct from pay :-) wich makes it ven easier ,
She will get my phone which she already has now ,,, blackberry too much for a10 yer old as fr as im concerned .

I couldnt leave her friday .... but she went to the park which was soo stressful for me .. I still think 10 is too young and these people around here who let their 4 and 5 year olds outalone need to have their heads examined, friggen crazy parents ....

We went looking at a condo tonight and I think we found the perfect one but then she would have to take the bus to school ... omg THIS CRAP IS never ending lol

i even forgot it was thanks giving weekend ... my birthday was perfect , got the bestest mug ever ! people are only a loud to get me mugs for my bday ... this one is the best of 5the best I love it and tea taste way better in it :-) watched scary movies alll night :-)
thanks for the bday wishes .

We need to get to o8ur psychologist , but she moved offices and way far now and not going to anyone else as we have been seeing her for 15 years ... I need her help to cope with these changes way too tough , think we will rent a car in the next 3 weeks and go there ::D:

[Kimr]

Well since she is used to the one you had, it sounds like it is working nicely and cheaply too.

Yes letting a 4 or 5 year old to go to the park by themselves isn't my first choice, but your doing good in letting her go.

Good luck in your search with a new place to live. Its hard to find the perfect place.

Thats neat about only getting mugs for your b/d glad it was a good one.

Yes def get to your psychologists to help you through this difficult time. I am sure she can help you!!!

[Blossom112]

:wink: I think we made our decision on the condo :-)
Think it is perfect for us here in the city , and its very large , which is hard to find .
I never wanted condo cause most are sooo small , guess we lucked out ... and I think it would be perfect for Julie as an adult !

Heres my mug .... that hubby complained of the cost lololol

[CACAdmin]

Cool mug. :cool: Very unique. What a neat birthday present.
Congrats on finding a condo you like.

[Kimr]

Love the mug!!! Also noticed next to it, is your laptop and on it was CAC page, with my name up there the profile of it hahahaha

So happy you found the perfect home to live in.

[Blossom112]

lol Kim you have good eyes ! i cant read it even with my glasses lol

First Julie\was in agreement to moving , then she got worried we would get caught sending her to out of area school lol , I told her we just wont tell them ... shesh wetaught her to be to honest .
the school ends for her there in 3 years , so far She agreed to move in 2 yers and commute the last year ... kids shesh wait till sheis older make up your mind already Julie lol
So we have lots of time to work out the kinks .

[Kimr]

I think it was just luck that I saw it, it was actually the picture of Daisy which is my user pic that caught my eye!!

Yes you do have time to work out the kinks and at least she has agreed to move.